Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Awful Products as Seen on TV: Pos-T-Vac
Once, late at night, I saw a half hour infomercial for an ED treatment known as Pos-T-Vac. The system uses the power of vacuum suction to draw blood into the male organ, causing an erection. I can't find the full length infomercial online, but the adventurous will be treated to a two minute version below.
If the commercial is to be believed, Pos-T-Vac enables men to do the things they enjoy, like spinning your wife around in tire swings, reading the newspaper together before breakfast, and cuddling with your golden retriever on the couch. Is it proper for a company whose product is approved by Medicare to promote such irresponsible behavior? You be the judge.
Here's a bad sign. The first Google auto complete option when you start typing the name of this wonder product is "Pos-T-Vac scam." Here's another bad sign. Some company in Augusta, Georgia which sells these things got raided by the Feds for Medicare fraud.
And a third bad sign, it is difficult if not impossible to locate the actual maker. I suspect this is because any number of vendors are contracted to the manufacturer and are in it for a piece of the Medicare billings pie. The TV commercial directs the viewer to a site called erectmed.com (I didn't even have to use Shady URL for that one!) That site, in turn, redirects the user to "Rejoyn Medical Systems," but there are any number of other Pos-T-Vac sites out there, including postvac.com and pos-t-vac.com. The FAQ for one of them features horribly broken english. For example, apparently they get asked the question "will it make larger?" quite often. Will it make WHAT larger? You can't adhere to the conventions of proper written english and yet you want me to let your vacuum pump near my proverbial junk? No thank you!
The commercial omits a key piece of information that was included in the informercial. Namely, that the user is required to partake of Pos-T-Vac's "gentle suction" for several minutes, after which he must make use of a high tech rubber-band to maintain the results. They call this a "tension ring," although tension is not a term I like to hear in connection with that area. I imagine that the Pos-T-Vac makes a noise similar to the pump you'd use to blow up an air mattress. The whole process sounds extremely awkward to me.
Let's take the example of the guy who sneaks up on his wife while she's reading the paper in the kitchen at about 38 seconds into the video. After moving in for the kill, I imagine he would seductively say, "Honey, right now is the perfect time for me to take my Pos-T-Vac out of it's attractive zipper traveling case. There is a 95% chance I will be ready for action in under four minutes, or I will get my money back! How's that for spontaneity, baby?!"
Ah, young romance. I find it somewhat ironic that the makers of Pos-T-Vac note that they ship their product in discrete packing, yet are unconcerned that it cannot possibly be used discretely in the bedroom. Even for use between two partners with a deep level of comfort and understanding over the years, the process is a blow to a man's dignity. And that's just the hard truth.