The Harmful Rays of the Moral Vacuum

The Harmful Rays of the Moral Vacuum
Please be advised that for your safety you must exit this blog on foot, calmly and quickly.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream. I sailed Away to China...

I had the strangest dream last night.  Actually, it's my second strangest dream.  My strangest dream is one in which I dreamed I had three movies out from a rental place and only time enough to watch two before the place was set to close and I would incur late fees.  I woke up in a slight panic because of this.  But I had no rented movies in reality.  True story.  In this other strange dream, I watched an early to mid 1990s Arnold Schwarzenegger film I am fairly certain does not actually exist.  The setting of the dream was a bedroom I used to live in years ago.  I was going through my TV cart looking at all my old VHS tapes.  And that is when I found it.

The tape was still in its sleeve.  I think in the context of the dream, it must have been purchased from a bargain bin, because it was emblazoned with one of those fake stickers printed on the box reading "New Low Price!"  The movie was called "The Target."  Arnold's smiling face graced the cover.  It was a full body picture and he had a gun drawn.  At the top of the sleeve was text exhorting a would-be buyer to see "The Target 2: Hard Target" in theaters soon.

I put the movie in the VCR, but first I had to remove another tape that was jammed in there.  I also had to slam the VCR a few times to get it to spin.  The movie was a fairly standard cop drama.  Arnold played a police lieutenant who comes home each night to an idyllic suburban setting.  He had a wife and at least one daughter.

The daughter, a teenager, was dating a stereotypical 1980s punk.  I am talking leather clothing like something out of Mad Max and a safety pin through the nose.  I remember one particular shot of the movie which was narrated by the director, as if I were watching a DVD commentary track.  The director explained that the shot took over half an hour to block (Note to director of fake movie: that is not impressive), because it was such a complicated one-shot.

In the scene, the camera enters Arnold's house through the front door.  We move through the entryway, down a hall and into a kitchen where mom is preparing dinner and daughter is talking on the phone.  It was a huge cordless, vintage early 90s.  The shot moves into the living room, where the weird boyfriend is watching TV, back around towards the direction of the front door in a loop and up the stairs where Arnold is taking off his sharply pressed suit, gun, and badge after a hard day's work.  Just as he puts his gun out of reach, the creepy boyfriend enters silently behind him.

And then my alarm clock rang, taking me out of the dream.  My best guess, having seen many films of this nature in the past, is that Arnold knew too much, and the seemingly innocent if slightly odd boyfriend was actually a contract killer hired to take out Arnold and his family.  But why?  What did Arnold know?  I guess I will have to try to catch this one on cable.

Or, we can do this Choose your Own Adventure style.  Does anyone out there want to take a shot on filling in the details of this "lost classic."  Also, does the fact that I dream this kind of thing make me crazy?

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