The people have spoken

The true genius of the founders was that they established a Democratic Republic.  A system of governance in which when the people speak, the powerful must listen.  Well the people have spoken, my friends.  And I am not talking about the political primaries last night.  Boooooooooorrrrrring!

I am talking about America's new favorite sandwich, the KFC Double Down.  The sandwich was supposed to only be available until this coming Sunday.  But KFC has reported that sales have been so brisk, they will continue to make the sandwich available for as long as it remains profitable.

Those corporate fat cats at KFC thought they could introduce the sweet, sweet Double Down to the American public and then take it away like a thief in the night.  But we told those oligarchs.  When you offer us a sandwich comprised of two slabs of chicken in lieu of bread with bacon strips and cheese and sauce in the middle, you must continue to make it available indefinitely.  We are a proud people, and we deserve no less.

So remember, "Don't Just Feed Your Hunger--Crush It!"  Head in to KFC for a delicious Double Down.  The founders would be proud.

Who's up for some world music?

In my previous entry, I mentioned the breakup of A-ha.  The music video for their greatest hit, "Take on Me" is iconic.  If I asked you to think of a random 1980s video, chances are that one would pop into your mind.  But most music videos from foreign pop acts don't translate so well here in the U.S.  I'd like to share some of my favorites.

Believe me, the sun always shines on TV

Here's a piece in the NYDrinker which takes me back to my college days.  My friends and I used to spend our leisure time at a watering hole called the Blarney Stone.  Founded by a man named Daniel Flanagan, the Blarney Stone was a chain of dive bars which catered mainly to the lunchtime construction worker crowd.  By some accounts, there were more than 30 Blarneys at one time in New York, plus similarly named imitators that did not want to kick up to Mr. Flanagan.  Based on my knowledge of the four that I have been to, I am sure that each location was more dingy than the last.  Alas, there are now only five Blarney Stone pubs left, including the one from my college days (though that's not entirely true, as even that one closed and reopened around the corner when I was a senior).  The NYDrinker piece documents a daytime pub crawl they went on of the remaining five.  Hat tip and photo credit to NYDrinker.  I will be sure to take a closer look at their site.

In other food news, I just read on the NY Eater blog that T'Poutine has shuttered it's doors.  Poutine is sort of the national food of Canada.  It is essentially french fries smothered in brown gravy and topped with cheese curds.  Sort of similar to what those of us who grew up with local diners and luncheonettes would call "Disco fries" or "Elvis fries."  I first heard of T'Poutine because of actor Michael J. Fox.  During his presentation in the closing ceremonies of the Olympics a few months back, Fox mentioned poutine.  It sounded delicious, so I searched for a place which serves it in New York.  T'Poutine did, at least for a nine month period, but is apparently no more.  For what it's worth, the Mrs. and I very much enjoyed our poutine when we made our one visit the weekend following the Olympics.

Here's some news that made me go "Nooooooooooooooooo!"  The 80s Nordic synthpop band A-ha, best known in the states for their infectious 1986 hit "Take on Me."  While that song promised "I'll be gone in a day or two," A-ha was around for about 30 years.  Apparently they were a huge act in other countries, despite only having two U.S. hits.  Sort of like David Hasselhoff.  A-ha's lesser known song to chart in the states was "The Sun Always Shines on TV," which is a favorite of mine, although I have been advised by at least one friend that it is an incredibly effeminate song.  Speaking of effeminate, here's a piece of trivia: I auditioned for high school show choir with "Take on Me."  A-ha, you will be missed.  I have embedded below their biggest hit, as well as Family Guy's take on the same, and the "literal video" version, which is always good for a laugh.

Cub Scouts encourage video gaming?

I was a Cub Scout when the original Nintendo Entertainment System was at the height of popularity.  My friend's mom was our Den Mother, and I remember how we used to sneak away during den meetings to consume snack foods and play classic games such as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Mike Tyson's Punchout.  I have fond memories of my time in Scouts.  I enjoyed many opportunities as a Boy Scout and Cub Scout which I would not have had otherwise as the kid of a single mom--such as camping.  But while my time in Scouting came and went, video gaming is still an active part of my life (much to the dismay of my dear wife, who does not necessarily share my excitement for the latest X-Box releases).

I was surprised, given that we are in the midst of a childhood obesity epidemic which is the pet project of the First Lady, that the Cub Scouts have started offering a "Video Gaming" belt loop.  For the uninitiated, belt loops are the Cub Scout equivalent of merit badges.  They are little metal tabs which slide around the military style webbed belt worn by Scouts.  They also make putting the belt on or taking it off near impossible without sending little metal tabs flying all over the place.

This is likely an effort by the Boy Scouts of America to remain relevant in a time when kids are fixated by technology and gadgets.  The requirements for the badge include selecting and purchasing an appropriate video game under the supervision of an adult, and playing a video game with a friend for one hour (though when do kids ever stop playing video games after one hour?).  I fully intend to contact the Boy Scouts and request my retroactive video gaming belt loop based on all the hours I logged playing video games at Den meetings.  I would personally prefer that new merit badges and belt loops be based around concrete real world skills.  But I don't think this necessarily signals the death of physical activity for kids.  Many of the children in my karate dojo spend hours playing video games, but they also do karate, play sports, and participate in other extra curricular activities.  It's all about balance, as my wife likes to remind me.

Now My Life Has Changed in Oh-So-Many Ways

As a nod to my occasional "Awful Products as Seen on TV" features, I thought you would enjoy the video which I have embedded below.  It is called "As Seen on TV - A Tribute to Doing it Wrong" and is a montage of the best moments from As Seen on TV commercials.


Saturday Night Live recently ran a pretty funny commercial parody with a similar premise.

Hulkamania is gonna run wild on you, brother!

On Wednesday, November 27, 1991, World Wrestling Entertainment (then known as World Wrestling Foundation, or WWF) held it's annual Survivor Series Pay-Per-View event.  The main event was a bout between reigning WWF champion Hulk Hogan and relative newcomer The Undertaker for the World Championship belt.  My nine year old world was about to be shattered.

I Feel Better

This music video from U.K. based electropop band Hot Chip will either make you laugh out loud or give you nightmares.  Or both.  It starts out kind of slow, but at about :52 it gets positively nutty.  Without giving anything away, my favorite parts are the flippant response at 2:00 and the way the guy in the center of the stage knowingly and wisely runs away at 3:13.  Hot Chip's video gives new meaning to the phrase "dance battle."

Here's one for those of you who have been living under a rock.  Does anyone remember Insane Clown Posse, the supposed rap group best know for their serial hatred of Eminem and their moronic group of followers called Juggalos?  Not surprisingly they have been dropped from their label.  Undeterred, they independently released an album the first single of which, "Miracles," tackles the hard questions.

The video for Miracles showcases special effects that look like they were done by a 12 year old.  But as bad as the video is, the lyrics are worse.  The song is meant to explain "that without explanation," but is really a laundry list of things with reasonable explanations that confound the mouth breathers of ICP.  The best example is at 1:50... "F***ing magnets!  How do they work?"  But they earn bonus points for denouncing scientists as liars whose explanations for these miracles would just "leave them pissed." Oh, also, apparently there is "magic everywhere in this bitch."  This video has been all the buzz on the internet for the past week or so, and was even parodied by Saturday Night Live.

Bonus information on Juggalos:  They are considered a gang in several states and have been involved in criminal activity up to and including murder.  There is an annual Gathering of Juggalos (so be sure to avoid Cave-In-Rock, Il from August 6th to 9th of this year).  And they show just how nonconformist they are by joining a subculture of people who dress, act and think alike.

A proud moment

I know it's been a long while since I have blogged at ya.  But something has come to my attention that is of such grave importance that I couldn't allow it to go without comment.  What has happened?  Oh, it's really no big deal. American society has just reached the highest peak of awesomeness, that's all.  I am speaking, you might have already guessed, about the Double Down, a new sandwich from the chicken wizards at KFC.

The sandwich is, according to KFC nutrition scientists, "so meaty, there's no room for a bun."  I commend them on their efforts at including a bun.  I can only imagine how they toiled thanklessly in some dark basement laboratory trying to fit a bun around all that meat and cheese.  But in the end, you can't fight the inevitable.  And so, KFC was forced to release the Double Down sans bread.

The sandwich, which was released this past Monday, April 12th, is comprised of two pieces of fried chicken (presumably in lieu of bread), two slices of cheese, the Colonel's sauce, and bacon.  For the health conscious, you can get the chicken bread in both grilled and original recipe versions.

This just makes me want to start chanting U-S-A!  U-S-A!  This sends a message to those who would oppose American, from rogue nations, to international terrorists.  You know what that message is?  "We are a people of great resolve.  We invented the Double Down.  Clearly we have no fear of death.  Do you really want to test us?!"

By the way, this thing is still healthier than many other fast food items, believe it or not.  Now that's American ingenuity.

Awful Products as Seen on TV: Shake Weights

Hello, ladies!  If you're like me, you're looking for a revolutionary way to shape and tone your arms.  Why shouldn't you have strong, sexy, sculpted arms which you're proud to show off?  Well now you can, with Shake Weights.  There's only one problem.  Using the Shake Weights in a public setting might be rather... embarrassing.

Portraits of a Serial Killer

Rodney Alcala was convicted last month of murdering a child and four women between November 1977 and June 1979.  He is lead suspect in several unsolved murders, and has been linked to dozens of disappearances and deaths.  He also had a knack for photography.

Hold the Presses

Work and real life has gotten in the way of my blogging hobby.  But I can only stay away from my dear reader(s?) for so long.  Don't call it a comeback.  Today, I'd like to focus on some news items.  After all, it's important to stay abreast of current events.

Everything looks swankier in a brandy snifter

Way back on April 7, 2001, a Saturday Night Live sketch aired featuring guest host Alec Baldwin and longtime cast member Horatio Sanz as two Italian American gentlemen, presumably from either Long or Staten Island, who operate a photography studio called "Lasting Impressions."  Their specialty is adding "elegance" to your favorite photo by digitally placing the image inside of a brandy snifter.

The sketch is hilarious.  Unfortunately, I have been unable to find a video clip, but you can read the script here.  It doesn't do it justice, but it will give you the idea.  In a case of art imitating life, I found this thread from 2007 on a photography website.  I almost wish that the woman's posting was written tongue-in-cheek, but I don't believe that is the case.  If you have the time, you really must read the whole thing.

To summarize, she is looking for a wedding photographer for her daughter, who just got engaged.  She wants to provide her daughter with "only the best" and has her heart set on a picture of her daughter and son-in-law inside of a brandy snifter (which she refers to as a sniffer).

Many people offer earnest and patient responses, including one photographer who explains that the look, which was achieved through double exposure, was very popular in the 60s and 70s, but most serious wedding photographers consider the technique to be dated and cheesy.  One person even links to the script of the SNL sketch.  Perhaps not surprisingly, the mom of the bride-to-be eventually chimes in to say that she has been fired from the task of selecting the photographer, but she will find someone to create the brandy snifter pics using Photoshop.  Perhaps she can call the guys at Lasting Impressions?

True gluttons for punishment should check out this slideshow from the same photography site.  It's called "wedding fantasy" but I think you'll agree that it's more of a nightmare.  Cheesy double exposure shots were apparently all the rage at one time.  Apparently, there are examples of such shots dating back as far as the Victorian era.  I guess you could charitably argue that the overall effect is classic.  But it makes me appreciate my wedding photographer, Chelsea Nicole's take on classic that much more.

New Feature: Awful Products As Seen on TV

I am a longtime fan of the schlocky commercials and lengthier infomercials that marketers use to hawk their dubious products on late night television.  It was well reported last year that producers of infomercials were experiencing a boon due to the recession.  The makers of products such as the Snuggie who otherwise would have been unable to afford prime time advertising found that their ad dollars stretched much further due to the downturn.  Despite the recent and untimely death of pitch man par excellence Billy Mays, the "As Seen on TV" industry seems to be thriving.  Which brings me to a the introduction of a new feature of this blog, Awful Products As Seen on TV.

Nuclear Winter

We finally got some of the snow yesterday that has been crippling the Washington, D.C. region.  It wasn't anywhere near the magnitude of D.C.'s "snowpocalypse," as a certain AccuWeather forecaster would gladly attest.  The record setting snowfall in the Capitol region has been so severe in recent days that D.C. area governments ceased snow removal due to "extremely dangerous" conditions.  Guess what my weekend plans are?  The wife and I are taking a long planned trip to D.C. as she has never been there.  Hopefully at least something will be open by Saturday.

Wait a second, Doctor! What is it you're prescribing me?

What follows are some of the incoherent ramblings and disparate thoughts I had over the day.  I would like to start this post off by leveling the harshest possible criticism towards pharmaceutical maker Eisai Company.  But what wrong have they committed?  Are they exploiting their employees?  Releasing medications to the market without adequate testing?  Using aggressive sales tactics to encourage doctors to over-prescribe their products?  I'm afraid it's far worse than that.

Need to know how to act on a date? Look no further than Coronet Instructional Films

Want to learn the secret to popularity?  At a loss for ideas for your next date?  Does basic hygiene elude your grasp?  Ever wonder why capitalism is superior to other economic systems?  Need info on how to conform to the mind numbing social norms of the middle of the last century?  And most importantly, do you have a stomach strong enough for a huge dose of post-war kitsch?  Then Coronet Instructional Films has something that you've just got to watch.

Hitler's got 99 problems

I am usually pretty up on the latest internet memes, but somehow I missed out on this hilarious little nugget.  In 2004, a German film was released called Der Untergang.  It dealt with the collapse of Adolf Hitler and his Third Reich.  Pretty heavy topic, at least at face value.  In the film, there is a scene in which Hitler is given some bad military news by several of his officers.  Predictably, he is not pleased.

Some fun folks on the internet have re-appropriated the scene by changing the subtitle "translations."  I have watched a few of these and can't stop laughing.  Here is one of my favorites:


Sucks to have your party ruined like that, right?  Of course, Hitler is also up on current events:


There are many more of these posted to YouTube, and some of them are pretty funny.  Hitler weighs in on everything from his craving for Burger King to Ussain Bolt's world record.  It never ceases to amaze me where people can find levity.

"The Omega Man" and "I am Legend": A comparison

This past weekend, my darling wife felt like watching the 2007 film adaptation of Richard Matheson's classic 1954 sci-fi horror novel, I Am Legend.  Unfortunately, it wasn't available on Netflix's instant streaming service.  Being a bad movie buff, I already had the 1971 version, The Omega Man, in my instant queue.  So we were forced to resort to that version.

Survival Town: The Real Nevada Boomtown of the Mid-Century

The 2008 movie Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull features a scene in which the intrepid Dr. Jones finds himself in a "typical" mid century suburban town. He realizes in the nick of time that the "town," inhabited by department store mannequins, has been staged by the U.S. military for an atomic detonation test.

The gory 2006 remake of The Hills Have Eyes is premised upon a group of people living in the Nevada desert who were subjected to atomic atmospheric testing over a period of decades. They have thus been transformed into an isolated band of cannibalistic mutants. One of the film’s many victims stumbles upon an abandoned house within the mutant territory. Abandoned except for mannequins resplendent in mid-century garb.

So is it true that the government constructed a fake town expressly for the purpose of blowing it up? Yes! On May 5, 1955, a nuclear test detonation dubbed "Apple-2" was conducted at the Nevada test site. Apple-2 was one of 14 detonations conducted in the first half of 1955 under the codename Operation Teapot. The bomb detonated that day had a yield of 29 kilotons, just under two and a half times the destructive power of the one dropped on Hiroshima, Japan.

In preparation for the Apple-2 detonation, the Department of Defense built "Survival Town," a suburban enclave in the middle of the desert replete with homes and offices wired for power, and department store mannequins positioned to replicate typical human activities. The experiment was designed to test the impact of an atomic explosion on various kinds of structures and at varying distances within the blast radius. The docile indifference of the mannequins towards their grim fate, coupled with the synthetically cheerful 1950s suburban vibe makes for an unmistakably eerie result.

The military personnel and civilian volunteers who participated in the experiment lived in a barracks a few miles from the blast site dubbed "Survival City." Their objective was to simulate the rebuilding that would occur immediately after an atomic attack. They performed such tasks as providing “first aid” for the "victims" of the attack, restoring communications antennas and other infrastructure within the blast radius, and airlifting food into the affected area. They did so while being unknowingly exposed to enough radiation to give anyone a healthy green glow.

Of course, most of the structures were incinerated or otherwise destroyed. But somewhat surprisingly, a few remain to this day, and can be viewed on the official tour of the Nevada Test Site.

Readers interested in learning more about our nuclear heritage should visit the Atomic Testing Museum. The museum, located not far from the Las Vegas Strip, is offbeat and quirky but not in the same way that most Vegas attractions are. Highlights include a simulated atomic blast viewing, pop cultural artifacts from the nuclear age, and even a few of the original mannequins from Survival Town.

The 1982 film The Atomic Cafe makes for fun, yet sobering watching. Aptly described by the Village Voice as a "comic horror film," it is a collection of classic Atomic Age clips, from the famous cartoon turtle exhorting school kids to "duck and cover" in the event of a blast, to U.S. military officials explaining to trusting native Polynesians the positive aspects of a nuclear test blast on their home island.

Additional links of interest:
Blown to Smithereens: The Secret Story of Survival Town (via WebUrbanist)
More information on Operation Teapot (via Wikipedia)
Contemporary newsreel footage of the Survival Town test, boasting the installation of "a million dollars worth of equipment" (via RonnieshowFriends)
A much longer Civil Defense video which covers some of the nuclear science behind the test before coughing up some great footage of the town. At 7:24, the narrator cheerfully notes that the mannequins have been supplied by industry to stand in for "Mr. and Mrs. America." (via AutomobileHistoryUSA)

Gentlemen! Welcome... to the moral vacuum.

A few friends recently suggested that I start a blog as an outlet for ramblings on my various interests. Behold! I present to you THE MORAL VACUUM! :::lighting strikes off in the distance.:::

I am fascinated by a wide range of subjects, and will touch upon many of them here. The things that catch my fancy include pop culture, the bizarre, abandoned buildings, Mixed Martial Arts, vintage cinema, bad movies, action films, retro-future, mid century modern, post apocalyptia, technology, video games, and just plain life in general.

The result will likely be an inchoate mish mash of postings that will interest no one in particular and last for about two weeks before I give up on this blog. But for now... bask in the power of THE MORAL VACUUM! :::wolves faintly howl in the distance:::